A series of unpleasant dreams left me feeling exposed and vulnerable this week. Lack of people I feel I can talk to/people who want to talk to me added itself to the mix, and made for a lonely, lachrymose weekend.

That is all.

Strange stressful painful confusing week of general notgoodness, sprinkled with glimmers of not so bad.

boom crunch

I didn’t get any grades from last semester. Nothing. It was an academic waste.

My financial aid was approved, but it never went through. I have been aware of this for some time, but have been ignoring it.

Why? Because of my mom.

The time has come where I can no longer withhold this information from her.

In mere minutes, my life is going to experience an implosion.

Fruit.

I am a pomegranate.

I happened upon this metaphor a few months ago while playing the question game (truth or dare without the dares) with a close friend. After exhausting topics of favorite/ least favorite this and thats (colors, tv shows, actors, movies, books, poets, writers, you get the idea) we started asking more abstract questions.

"If you were a superhero, what would your power be?"

"If you were a tree, what species would you be?"

"What decade would you have liked to live in?"

When asking questions to others, I generally know what my answer would be. Other times I know, or at leat I think I know, what the answeres answer will be. With the question,

"What fruit best represents you?" I had no idea of either. Luckily, he knew both.

"You are a pomegranate."

I had my doubts, but as of now, I am convinced that this is true.

His reasoning; "You are a bitch to get open, but well worth the struggle."

I try to not let my insecurities get in the way of my well being, but recently they are harder and harder to ignore. I have a hard time opening up to people. I have issues when it comes to making friends. I rarely make the first move. In short, I'm shy. Why? Because I am often left to wonder, am I worth the struggle?

I have few close friends, but I am truly thankful for the ones that took the time and struggle to get me to open up.

I sometimes wonder if anyone reads this. Sometimes I don't care.

Thats a lie

I've been a negligent blogger. My reason? For feeling neglected. Ironic, yes, I know. This starts the new attempt at being a better blogging.